Fight or Flight
by UniqueInsanity
Summary: Everyone is fallible, even Cal Lightman. When his mistakes have a disastrous effect, he is pushed to the edge, teetering on it. Does he run, or can he return from this?
1. Prologue

**Fight or Flight: Prologue.**

**A/N: **My very first Lie to Me fic, after a full re-watch of all the episodes, this little idea popped into my head, and had to be done! Still majorly pissed that it was cancelled, but what can you do? That's why we have fanfiction! So, go easy on me guys! Hope you enjoy :)

**Summary: **Everyone is fallible, even Cal Lightman. When his mistakes have a disastrous effect, he is pushed to the edge, teetering on it. Does he run, or can he return from this?

**Disclaimer: **Not my characters, unfortunately! If they were, I definitely would not have cancelled them, but whatevs. Only the idea is mine.

**Rating: **K+ for now. May change as the story progresses.

_**xxx**_

"Come on, come on Foster! Don't give up on me." His hands ripped the striped scarf from his neck, quickly scrunching it up and he pressed it tightly against the open wound on her stomach.

His hands were coated in her blood, warm and sticky against his now cold skin. He held it down tightly, as he looked around him wildly. They could be too late. They might not get here on time.

His eyes lingered for just a moment on the body behind him. Not moving, with a single trickle of blood pooling beneath his head, his eyes glassy staring blankly ahead.

He looked back to Gillian when her bloody hand grabbed his shirt, his breathing too fast for him to keep up with. He had never felt like this before. He was always in control, but not right now. Now, nothing here was in his control.

Her eyes were wild, searching for his, and once they found his, she tried to focus on him, but she couldn't quite seem to keep her focus. "It's all right, Gill. It'll be all right. The paramedics will be here soon, very soon. Just hold on, I promise. It'll be okay." _It had to be okay. _"I'm sorry. This is my fault."

"C-Cal.." She gargled, and what worried him was the small trail of blood that leaked out of the corner of her mouth. She was terrified. You didn't have to be an expert to read that.

He quickly reached out, and wiped the blood from her mouth, his own blood covered fingers only smearing it more, but he didn't seem to notice. His hand quickly returned to the other, and he pressed down harder than he had been in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding.

"It'll be okay, darlin'. Trust me. I need you to hold on just a little bit longer, until help gets here." He struggled to keep his voice even, desperation seeping into it.

"T-t-tired Cal... So tired." Once more, blood trickled from her mouth. It was getting harder and harder for her to breathe, and with each breath she took, the slight gargling sound was unmistakable.

"Keep your eyes open, love. Let me see them. You know you've got beautiful eyes. don't close them. Just a little while longer, I promise." His hands were shaking, but he would not move them.

He sighed in relief when he heard the sirens in the distance. That was one of the best noises he had heard all evening. His eyes were locked on hers, searching desperately. "They're almost here. Almost here, Gillian. You can do this."

"Wake me when t-they get here.." She slurred, blinking heavily.

"No, no, no. Come on, stay with me, keep them open, Gill." He was begging her now.

"Tired, Cal.." She trailed off as her eyes closed.

"Bollocks." He spat as he pressed tighter, looking up to see the lights of the ambulance drawing closer, blinding him as they came to a stop, the sirens whirring in the background, drowned out by the hammering of his heart against his chest.

"Come on, what are you waiting for!" He shouted to the paramedics as they jogged over to him, not fast enough for Cal's liking.

"I'm sorry sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move so we can treat her." The first paramedic said as the second began checking vital signs, assessing the situation.

Cal hesitated for just a moment, his eyes flickering from the paramedics, to Gilian's closed ones, and he nodded, taking his hands away, and standing up on shaky feet. The first hurriedly took Cal's place, and they set to work, talking fast, but everything they said may as well have been in a different language.

His eyes were on her face. So white, to delicate, with dark, ugly red stains smeared across it in contrast. He blindly looked to his own hands, covered in her blood, and he tried his best to rub the blood off onto his already stained white shirt.

Her blood was on his hands. Literally. If anything happened to her. It was his fault. It was all his fault. He had gotten it wrong, and now it may have cost him his best friends life.

_"Gillian... Do you love her?" _

_In the pause she had taken to ask the question after saying her name, he had figured where it was going, and tried not to act so surprised, like a deer in the headlights. He knew it would have only been a matter of time before she asked. "'Course I do, darlin'. 'Course I love her."_

_That wasn't a good enough answer for Emily. "No, I mean... Really love her." _

_He looked away from her, unable to hold her gaze. He had come to terms with it years ago, that yes, he loved Gillian, but he never admitted it, to her or to anyone else. He buried it, and she was is his best friend. That became his excuse, when she was hurt, he was worried because she was his best friend. When she was angry, he was angry because she was his best friend. When she was scared, he helped her, because she was his best friend. When she was in a relationship, he was jealous because she was his best friend._

_He took a breath as he looked back to Emily. "Yeah.." He didn't know what else to say. There was so much spinning in his head right now._

_Emily pulled his arm around her, and rested against his chest, and he placed his chin on her head. "Well... What are you waiting for?" She asked him softly._

_He had no idea. He had thought of telling Gillian a thousand different times, but each time he backed out, and found himself with someone else, like Clara or Detective Wallowski. Substitutes. Poor substitutes. "I don't have an answer for that one, love."_

He had his answer now. He had been terrified of loosing her. He would rather have her as a friend, his best friend, than nothing at all. Now, he might not even have that much.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Just a short intro, hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you thought :) Next chapter coming up soon :) Wonder what exactly Cal got wrong, hmm? And how will Gillian be? We shall see.. Review!


	2. Unnecessary Risks

**Fight or Flight: Chapter One**

**A/N: **First of all, wow. Thank you so much guys for the feedback on the first chapter, it was brilliant, especially considering this is my first attempt at a Lie to Me fic. I love you all, and I'm incredibly glad you're enjoying this! So, let's get on with it, shall we? Instead of my waffle!

**Disclaimer: ** Not my characters, unfortunately! If they were, I definitely would not have cancelled them, but whatevs. Only the idea is mine.

_**xxx**_

**Three Days Later:**

"What do you mean he won't go into work?"

At first, Ria and Eli had thought it was a good idea to call Zoe, but they soon realised it was not one of their best ideas. This was the first chance Zoe had to fly out, with her hectic schedule, but she had cleared a few days to try and help as much as she could.

"Well.. You know, he's been through a lot. And Gillian is his best friend." Ria paused for just a moment at the flash of emotion that crossed Zoe's face, but she continued on. "I think he blames himself for what happened, and he just wants to be here for her. And, he has her power of attorney, so all medical decisions come down to him." The surprise on Zoe's face let Ria know that was the first she had heard of that, so she continued on quickly. "But it's fine. Loker and I can take care of things at work until he's ready to come back. Isn't that right, Loker?"

Zoe's gaze shifted to Eli, and he nodded quickly, unable to help but think that if it was Cal in front of him, there was no way his attempt to be convincing would pass. "Yeah, of course. We have it under control." For now, anyway.

"I'm not saying you don't have the ability to take care of it, but Cal can't just not work. And expect you both to look after it. I'm sure he trusts you, otherwise you wouldn't be there, but he has to get back to work sooner or later." She paused for a moment and looked between the two who seemed a little uncomfortable. She didn't need a degree to be able to tell you that. "When was he last home?"

They looked between the two of them, and Eli spoke up first. "I'm not sure. Anytime we've come by, he's been here. He does seem to have a fresh change of clothes each day, but I think Emily brings them when she visits after school. She's the only person who can seem to talk some sense into him."

Zoe turned to look back into the hospital room, and they fell silent as their gazes followed. Cal was slouched on the chair next to the bed, his head resting on his hand as he slept. Or appeared to be sleeping. Zoe's eyes lingered on his other hand which was placed softly over Gillian's, fingers intertwined, as if he needed some sign that she was still there.

"How is she?" Zoe asked gently, as her eyes traveled over the frail looking figure on the bed.

Her skin was pale, missing the usual glow, and her hair hung limp around her face instead of perfectly styled. Most noticably was the tube down her throat, which Zoe knew all too well was connected to a ventilator, breathing for her.

"Better than she was, but still not out of the woods, considering she's still in ICU. From the struggle, or from being hit, she had a fractured rib which punctured a lung, but it's healing. They have her on the ventilator because of her other injuries, just to allow her body time to recover. Her spleen was ruptured and had to be removed, and there was some damage to her liver, and a lot of bleeding, but they seem to have stopped it all..." Loker trailed off.

Zoe looked to him, with an arched brow, knowing there was something he wasn't telling her. "What? What else?"

Eli looked to Ria who nodded in understanding and she answered instead. "There was a lot of damage to her womb, they couldn't stop the bleeding. They had to give her a hysterectomy."

Zoe blew out the breath she had been unconsciously holding, closing her eyes for just a moment. They used to be close. Well.. Friendlier than they were in recent years. She was a usual for dinner in their home, with Dave, as were they in her home. But when the divorce happened, of course Gillian was on Cal's side. She didn't expect anything less. But there was always something else.

She remembered how Gillian used to beam when she would talk with Emily. Most adults would look for excuses to not have to spend time with a child, but Gillian genuinely seemed to enjoy it more than anyone. She had been thrilled when Cal had told her about the adoption, and subsequently, devastated for her that it didn't work out. She knew it would be incredibly hard for her to deal with this. But Gillian was strong.

"I'm going to go talk to him." She said as she brushed her dark hair from her face and quietly slipped into the small, private room Gillian had been placed in. The only sound was the whirring of the machines, merging with the odd beep and mechanical clicking. Not even Cal's breathing could be heard over the sound.

She stood for a moment, just taking in the sight before her, and she gently touched Cal's arm to wake him. Usually that would have never worked, he was a heavy sleeper, but with the slightest touch he jumped, eyes snapping open, searching wildly for the face, expecting to see a Doctor or nurse.

His eyes widened slightly when he focused on Zoe, and the faintest hint of a smile played over his lips. "Zoe, luv, what are you doing here?" He asked quietly, his voice still thick with sleep as he sat up, his stiff muscles screaming in protest.

"Well, you didn't expect that I wouldn't come out when I heard, did you?" She said gently, taking in his appearance. He had looked better. He looked, exhausted. Almost as pale as Gillian.

He narrowed his eyes ever so slightly as he glanced to the guilty faces of Ria and Eli still standing outside. As soon as he looked to them, confirming his thoughts, they turned and walked away, avoiding eye contact with him. He has asked Emily not to call Zoe, even when she insisted, so he knew she wouldn't have gone behind his back.

Well, in truth, he knew it would only be a matter of time before Emily did phone Zoe, so he was kind of expecting to see her at some stage.

He gently let go of Gillian's hand, and stood up, his eyes reading the stats on the monitors, taking everything in. He pulled the blankets a little tighter around her, just to ensure she was warm, his fingers lingering on the soft skin of her arm for just a moment.

He turned to look at Zoe and slid his hands into his pockets. "Right well, I know that look, so say whatever it is you need to say." It was nothing about his ability to read micro-expressions, it was just from being married to the woman for so many years of his life.

She hesitated for a moment, her lips pursed. "Cal, we're worried about you. You haven't left the hospital in three days, you need to look after yourself. And.. You have work. You need to look after that too. I know you want to be here for Gillian, but she is in the best possible place, and she wouldn't want you to be making yourself sick, or for you to be neglecting the business you both have put so much work into." There was no point beating about the bush with Cal.

He bit back his immediate response, which was that Zoe knew nothing about what Gillian wanted. Of course, he knew she wouldn't want him to be neglecting his own care, or their business, but he also thought that if it was him lying in that bed, she would be by his side, work and her own well being would be the last thing on her mind.

He would be damned if anyone thought he wouldn't do the same for her. She was his gray area, the area where things became a little hazy, the lines and boundaries became blurred, and general rules were bent. She was the exception.

"Until Gillian is better, the most important thing to me is that; her well being. Loker and Torres are capable of looking after themselves in there for now, and I've already spoken with them, if they need any help, any second guesses, I will look over it for them. For now, the business will be fine. And until Gillian is, she is my main focus." He was shorter with her than he would usually be, but he had too much going on in his mind to have to deal with all of this too.

"How good are you going to be to her Cal if you are as exhausted as you are right now? When was the last time you've had more than a few hours sleep, or a decent meal? I know you want to be here with her, Cal, I know she means a lot to you, but you mean a lot to her and to other people, and we want to see that you're okay too." She said gently, not taking any notice of Cal's mood. She knew it was nothing personal.

"I see you've been talking to Emily, then."

"She's worried about her Dad, Cal. And I don't blame her."

"I'm fine. Just peachy. I eat here, I shower here, I sleep here. Emily brings me clothes and stays here for a few hours each day. Torres stays at the house with her, just for a while, so she's not on her own. Emily understands." And she does. They had talked about it, and Emily understood, she said she wanted him to be there for Gillian.

Zoe was silent for a moment or two, before finally nodding. Now was not the time to be having this discussion with Cal. It was hard enough to get through to him, but in this situation, it would be impossible. There were only two people who could get through to him, and one was lying on the bed in a drug-induced coma.

"Alright, Cal. I understand too, I'm not saying I don't. I just want to make sure you're looking after yourself too." Zoe explained softly to him.

He just nodded, flexing his fingers ever so slightly inside his pockets, trying to relieve some of the pressure.

"I am going to go for a few hours, I'll stay at your place if you don't mind, with Emily, that way Ria can go home and Emily has me there. I'm going to drop my stuff off, and run some errands I'm sure you've neglected. I'll pick Emily up later, and then we'll come here, and you'll come home for a proper meal, a shower and a change of clothes, at least for a few hours. No arguments, Cal." She said forcefully.

He smirked ever so slightly and nodded. That was the woman he had married. "Aye, aye." He answered with arched brows. "We'll see."

Zoe shook her head slightly, turned and left the room, ensuring she was quiet as she left, closing the door over behind her.

Cal stood for a few more moments before he sat back on the chair which was pulled as close to the bedside as he could get it. His hand instantly found Gillian's once more, and he held it softly in his own.

Truth be told, he was terrified of leaving her. Until she was awake, until she was breathing on her own, he would not feel happy with leaving her. What if something happened and he wasn't there? What if they needed him to make a decision about something and he was off eating beans on toast at home.

He wouldn't take that risk. He didn't take risks when it came to Gillian. He closed his eyes as a memory came back to him, his words ringing in his ears.

_It was one of the worst drives of his life, knowing Gillian had been hurt, but not knowing how bad, or what exactly had happened. All he knew was that a group had broken into her home because of Ria's little sister who was staying with Gillian, and she had been caught in the middle._

_When he laid eyes on her, he had breathed out a sigh of relief, she was standing, and breathing. It was nothing serious. A few scratches and bruises. The anger had bubbled through his veins when he thought of someone hurting Gillian, of leaving a mark on her flawless skin, but was soon cooled by the realisation that it could have been so much worse. _

_"You're supposed to be the sensible one, you know?" He had teased gently._

_"Yeah, and you're supposed to take unnecessary risks." She breathed, a smile on her face, but her cheeks still damp from the tears she had obviously shed in a mix of fear and pain. _

_"Not when it comes to you." Simple, but the look in her eyes had said more than she needed to say to him. They didn't have to speak to each other to communicate, to gauge the others feelings. But they had boundaries, and an unwritten rule of ignoring anything they noticed unless the other wanted to talk about it. That was one of those moments._

It was the truth though. She brought out the irrational side of him, where everything became more complicated and more simple all at once.

He had got it wrong this time. Horribly, horribly wrong. This was his fault. He hadn't picked up on the signs, and while they were investigating, he let the killer walk free. He had been fooled, been played, he had made the wrong judgement, and to rub that in, he went after Gillian. And Cal had realised too late. He could have been to late.

He shuddered slightly at the thought of what would have happened if he hadn't shown up when he did.

Zoe had woken him from the only time he had slept in the last three days. When he closed his eyes, he was assaulted of images from that day. Seeing him standing over Gillian, with the knife in hand, blood dripping from the tip. His hands coated in her blood. Blood trickling from her mouth, and that haunting moment when she had stopped breathing.

He killed a man that day. The first and only time he had ever had to do that. He would do it again in a heartbeat, to save Gillian. With no hesitation. But the images of the dead body still served to haunt him when he tried to get some sleep. It was only with sheer exhaustion that he had passed out.

He blamed himself for what happened. Yet all any of the doctors or nurses said was how lucky she was that he had been there. They didn't realise that it was because of him that she was there.

Loker and Torres did. He had seen it on their faces. It wasn't intentional, but they knew it. He had messed up and let him walk away. Walk straight to Gillian.

He would never admit it to anyone, but that was what was holding him back from returning to work. He was wrong. The guilt was slowly destroying him. He couldn't face going back, with the possibility that he could be wrong again, and another of those he loved would suffer because of a mistake he made.

Everyone was of the opinion that he was never wrong. This was a wake up call that he could be wrong, and when he was, it was with disastrous effects.

He could never forgive himself for his mistake, and for what it had caused for Gillian.

He brought her hand to his lips, and pressed a small kiss to the skin. He didn't know what was going to happen if.. No, when she woke up. This served as another wake up call to him. He loved her. He loved her with his whole being. And he had almost lost her. She was the most important thing in his life, only after Emily.

He had messed up a lot when it came to Gillian over the years. Again, she was his blind spot. But over the last few days he realised just how much she meant to him, and how much he needed her in his life.

With his lips pressed to her hand he whispered, "Come on, Gill. I need you to be okay. I need you to pull through this." And in that moment, there was nothing that was more important, nothing he wanted more than for Gillian to be okay.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **That was a bit of a challenge, I had originally intended on a different ending, but it was playing out too long, so I'm splitting this into two chapters, which is why the ending was a little crappy, sorry guys!

Would **LOVE, LOVE, LOVE** to get your opinion, especially on the characters, as I've said, this is my first time I've done them, so I want to make sure I'm doing them justice, so any opinions/suggestions will be taken on board! Even just a loved it/hated it would be great. (Except for the hate bit, really, but I'll still take it on board!)

So, the next chapter, what do we have in store? Hmm, will Gillian answer Cal's plead? Can anyone get through to Cal? We shall have to see! Until next time, my lovelies!


	3. Coming Clean

**Fight or Flight: Chapter Two.**

**A/N: **Sorry for the delayed update, guys, I've had to work a lot of extra hours this week, which has taken away from writing time, and I started reading a new book, and had to keep going until I finished it!

Thanks to all you lovely people who have reviewed/favorited/followed this story, the response has been incredibly encouraging.

Anyway, without anymore delay, chapter two!

**Disclaimer: **Not my characters, unfortunately! If they were, I definitely would not have cancelled them, but whatevs. Only the idea is mine.

_**xxx**_

"Oi, how many times have I told you not to sneak up on me?" Cal said as he turned to face his daughter, who was trying her hardest to hide the smirk on her face at having startled him.

"I called your name twice, it's not my fault your hearing deteriorates as you age." She teased as she set her bag pack on the ground, and the small duffel bag she used to bring him clothes and toiletries he might need.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, "Don't think I can't see you enjoyed that." Her only response was a guilty smile. "C'mere." He said as he pulled her into a hug, and she wrapped her arms around him in return. He took a deep breath, taking comfort in the familiar smell of home that his Emily seemed to carry with her.

After a few moments she asked, "How are you, dad?" Without having to look at her she could tell he was concerned.

"What has your mum said?" He said as he let her go, and moved to sit back on the chair by Gillian's side. Emily didn't seem to bat an eyelid as his hand unconsciously found Gillians, and held it softly.

"Nothing." Emily replied as she dropped into the only other chair in the room, on the opposite side of Gillian. She also reached out and took Gillian's hand, squeezing it softly.

"You're a terrible liar, Em." Cal mused. He was constantly amazed at the effect his daughter had on him. Even with everything going on, she could make him feel like things were okay again, even if it was just for a little while.

"Not always." She shot back, causing him to raise his eyebrows, but she quickly pressed on. "They're just worried about you, dad. Mom, Ria even Eli said you're not yourself. I just want to make sure you're okay. You don't have to lie to me, dad, or try to hide how you really feel."

Cal sighed slightly, and ran his free hand over his face, his fingers moving to run through his already dishiveled hair as he turned to run his eyes over Gillian's fragile form. He looked back to Emily and sighed once more, his shoulders slumping slightly. "Where did you get that maturity and wisdom, eh? It's not something either your mum or I had at your age."

She shrugged her shoulders slightly, leaning back a little in her chair. "I don't get everything from my parents."

"Yeah, I hope you're right." They were silent for a moment, and he knew she was waiting for an answer, but it was taking him a little while to decide whether or not he should tell her thr truth about how he really felt. Heck, did he even know how he felt?

He rubbed his face once more, his fingers pressing against his lips before he waved it off. "I'm scared. I'm scared what's going to happen, will she wake up, how will she be when she wakes up, what will she think of me when she wakes up?"

"You think she'll be angry with you?" Emily asked, slowly understanding a little more just how her dad was feeling.

He shook his head slightly. "Why wouldn't she be? She has every right to be angry with me. To walk away from the company and never speak to me again. To turn her back on me. I put her here. I might not have held the knife, but I may as well have. I was so sure.. I was arrogant, cocky... And it almost got my.. My best friend killed. I am angry with myself, and guilty and.. I don't know what else." He said as his eyes traveled to Gillian's face once more.

So fragile, so broken. She looked like a shadow of herself, the vibrant, bubbly woman he knew seemed like a distant memory, one for a different life time. He would give anything to have her sitting opposite him eating chocolate pudding, or one of those giant slushies she seemed to love. Hell, he would even love to have her giving out to him about their cases, or their finances. Anything. He would give anything to have her awake, and okay again.

"I did this to her, Em. And even if she can forgive me.. I can't." Emily had never seen her dad like this, so honest and open. Usually his emotions were so guarded and in check, it was hard to ever get a straight answer from him. One of the most honest conversations they had ever had was when she asked him if he loved Gillian. This was another one.

"Everyone makes mistakes, dad. Even you. It's impossible to always be right."

"Tell your mum that." He muttered, and Emily smiled slightly. That was the dad she knew.

She continued on, as if she hadn't heard him. "You can't be expected to get it right all the time, that is too much pressure. Even the best slip up sometimes. I know it's hard to see it, but you figured it out... And Gillian is okay. She will wake up, and she'll be okay. But this isn't your fault."

Cal had to bite his lower lip to stop his automatic response of snapping back at her. It wasn't Emily, it was everyone. They had to stop telling him he was not to blame. He was as much to blame as Fox was. Maybe even more so. If he had read the signs, if he hadn't let him away, then he would not have went after Gillian, Gillian wouldn't have had to fight for her life, and Fox would be serving life in prison, not in a cemetery.

Cal didn't regret what he did. He had no guilt or remorse for killing the man that almost took Gillian from him. He would do it ten times over, in a heartbeat. All his guilt lay in what happened to Gillian.

It made him angry that people couldn't see it. Why was everyone so blind to it? Why did they keep trying to tell him it wasn't his fault, he can't always be right. He is supposed to be right, always. That's his job. His science. Spot the lies. Not let them walk free.

Why couldn't people just admit it? He could see it in their faces, they should know that. He felt like grabbing someone and shaking them until they were able to see the truth. It may only be a fleeting thought, but it was still there, and he needed that. He never thought he could be wrong. He had never been wrong before.

He had built this reputation, one he believed in as much as everyone else. Arrogance was his problem. He never even considered the possibility that he could be wrong, it wasn't something he ever thought possible.

Now everything came crashing down with a force that made it difficult for him to breathe. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to dispel some of his frustration. He was wrong. He had been wrong to ever assume that he would never make a mistake, and this was the biggest mistake he could make.

He would never be able to forgive himself for what he had done. Now, the thought of going to work made him feel physically sick. He didn't know how he could possibly return to work again after what he had done. He couldn't face it right now. It was the last thing he wanted to think of right now.

"Can I ask you something?" Emily interrupted his self-loathing thoughts. His eyes found hers once more, and he nodded in response to her question. "How long have you loved Gillian?"

"You're really coming out with them today." He said with a small laugh, but Emily didn't say anything, not wanting to give him a reason to change the subject. There were some things she definitely got from her mum.

"I may not know everything about what you do, but I know enough to know that is a deflection. Come on, out with it." She said as she shuffled slightly on her seat, her eyes moving to Gillian and then back to her Dad. "So? How long?"

Cal sighed as he rubbed his fingers over his lips, feeling the stubble there that he had been meaning to shave over the last few days but had yet to find the chance. "I honestly don't know, Em. We've known each other for so long, and when we met, I was with your mum and we had you. I loved your mum, but I knew when I met Gillian I was attracted to her, but I never let myself get more attached than that. Gillian had Alec, and we became partners, best friends. Never more than that."

"After your mum and I divorced, and I started to see Gillian going through the hardships I had gone through when a marriage is ending, I just realised one day that I loved her. I loved her a lot. As more than a best friend." He paused for just a moment, trying to put his own thoughts into words to satisfy his daughter's too curious mind. Why had he ever encouraged that?

"I don't know Em, I guess I've loved her for a very, very long time. Maybe from the moment I met her, but it was never the right time for us, so I never allowed myself to actually feel it, if that makes sense?"

Emily nodded, taking this all in carefully, amazed that her Dad was being this open and honest with her. It rarely happened, but she had a feeling that it was because of everything that had happened with Gillian. And maybe he just needed to get this out. He had trouble admitting it to himself that he loved Gillian, so it was time he was able to open up about this to someone, even if he wouldn't to the person that mattered. "Why wasn't it the right time?"

Cal shrugged ever so slightly. "I'm not sure, love. I was with your mum, Gill was with Alec... It was just never the time for us."

"But you've both been single for a while now, dad. What are you waiting for?" he never answered her the last time she asked. Well, he said he didn't know, but she thought he might have more insight into it now.

"I've been taking the cowards way out, I suppose. Afraid she wouldn't feel the same, afraid it wouldn't work out and I would lose her, or I would hurt her... But I suppose I've already done that. And... She deserves better than me, than what I can give her. So much more." He said, his eyes focused on Gillian, his thumb brushing softly over her hand.

"Dad, you can't believe that. You're a great guy, and I'm sure Gillian feels the same way. I'm almost one hundred percent certain. You and mum were never going to work out, she brought out the worst in you, you were too alike. But Gillian, brings out the best in you, dad, she really does. And, you are so much happier when she is around. And she seems to be the only one who can tolerate you, even when you're at your worst, and talk some sense into you. It's a perfect match. You just need to take the plunge, and tell her the truth. I never though you would be the coward type, dad." She said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"When you have a lot to lose, it's a lot easier to just run away and hide." He said, returning Emily's smile.

"She has put up with you for this long, dad. And she is so much more patient than you are. Trust me, I think she's in it for the long haul." Emily stood and made her way over to him, taking both of his hands in hers, and squeezing them slightly. "Ria is going to be here in a few minutes, and she's going to sit with Gillian while we go home, you shower, shave, change and eat. Then you can come back, but not until you have done all of that first, deal?"

He smiled, and pulled her to sit on his lap as he hugged her tight and pressed his lips against her head. "I love you, Em."

"Love you too, dad." She replied with a smile.

"Tell me something though?" He asked and she turned her head to look at him with eyebrows arched in curiosity. "You've been reading Gillian's psychology stuff, haven't you?"

She laughed, shaking her head softly. "Maybe. It's interesting stuff."

He smiled as she shifted her off his lap and he stood up, stretching his stiff muscles. Maybe it would be nice to have a proper shower in his home, a change of clothes and a nice meal. Much better than the crap that passed for food in this hospital.

A knock on the door made him turn his attention from Emily, and he gave a small smile as Ria stepped into the room.

"Aye, aye, Torres." He tried his best to sound like his usual self.

"Hey. Look, you get out of here now, no hovering. Take him while he's going willingly, Emily."

Cal wrapped his arm around Emily's shoulder as she grabbed her bags, but he took them from her and slung them over his shoulder. "Thanks, Torres. Ring me if anything changes. Anything at all, or you're fired, we clear?" He said, only half joking.

Ria slipped into the seat Emily had been in, and pulled out a file she needed to finish working on. "Ah, there's the Lightman I know." She teased. "Of course I will. See you guys later."

They walked to the door, and Cal stopped for a moment, taking one last glance at Gillian, ensuring she was alright before he left. He knew he wouldn't be able to relax while he was at home and she was here, he would be as quick as he could before he came back. He made a silent request to a God he wasn't sure he believed in, that nothing happened while he was away, and he turned back and left, trying his hardest not to glance back to double check she was okay.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **There we go, just a little filler chapter. Next chapter is going to reveal some news about Gillian's condition. Good or bad? We'll have to see!

Hope to get another chapter up soon, but I'm working all this week guys, so I'll do my very best! In the mean time, reviews would be lovely :)


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